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Tuesday, April 9, 2024

Top 10 Excuses to Use When Abandoning Your Family By: Holden Kodish

 “I gotta get a pack of milk and a carton of cigarettes” An oldie but a goodie.
#9: “Honey, I love you, but you knew when you chose to marry me that I would
put music over our love.” You and the three guys you met in high school could become the next
Beatles, if only that bitch wife of yours would stop wanting to spend time with you.
#8: “I have amnesia, and don’t remember who you are.” Extra points if your marriage is the only thing you don’t remember.
#7: “My dad abandoned us, and his dad abandoned him. It’s a family tradition.”
They have to respect other people's customs, even if they disagree with them.
#6: “I’ve been abducted by aliens/vampires/the CIA.” Even if you do return, your
life will have been dramatically altered. Will they even recognize the new you when you return?
#5: “I just find your sister hotter.” Sometimes, you back the wrong horse, and the
only thing you can do is admit your mistakes and correct course.
#4: “The mothership is calling me home. My planet needs me.” I mean, you
already gave her a child. What, does she expect you to stay around?
#3: “Damn, our kids are ugly as shit.” Why put all your work into someone who
won’t extend the family bloodline?
#2: “My first family is complaining I don’t spend enough time with them.” They did
come first. It’s only fair that you prioritize them first.
#1:  “It’s just a prank bro.” Damn, she got got. Maybe next time, don’t fall in love,

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