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Tuesday, April 16, 2024

Top 10 OJ Simpson goof-ups By: Holden Kodish

1. When he took his first steps.
 Baby OJ actually didn’t start by taking steps. Instead, he drove a stroller on a low-speed police chase.


2. The Time OJ Simpson rapped the opening to his TV show.
Yeah, did you know OJ Simpson had a prank show? And it was called Juiced? That just sounds gross.


3. The time he tried to wear fifty gloves on one hand.
The thing is, he sized them out too. Like, his hand was huge by the end of it.


4. The time he murdered his ex-wife.
Nicole Brown Simpson was murdered on June 12th, 1994, in what may have been the worst career choice made by a football player until Brady signed with the Bucks.


5. When he missed Mother's Day.
After his wife died in that “unexpected accident”, he actually missed the first Mother’s Day afterward. He should have gone all Mr. Mom on it. Picture, OJ Simpson, in an apron.



6. When he also murdered his ex-wife's friend.
During the events of 6/12/94, he also murdered Ron Goldman, a waiter who was “Holding Ms. Simpsons glasses” which… has to be a euphemism, right?


7. When he got Norm Macdonald fired from SNL.
Man, learn how to take a joke OJ. Instead, one of the funniest men in the world got kicked off the perfect show for him. You’ll never be forgiven for this one OJ


8. When he literally wrote a book called “If I did it”
I mean, I don’t know what’s funnier. The Goldman family re-naming it to (make the "if" really small) if I did it, or them including a foreward called “Yes, he did it.”


9. When he robbed Bruce Fromong 13 years later
Why would you risk it again? Not even the juice could outrun Nevada state law. Luckily there was no murder (or so he would have you believe)


10. When he joined Twitter
“Hello Twitter World” still cracks me up. And while we may have lost… well, not a hero, but we still have the parody accounts!

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