Search This Blog

Saturday, January 18, 2025

Meth-Level Marketing By: Holden Kodish

"Meth-Level Marketing" By: Holden Kodish

Hello. My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane. And today, I come to you with a simple question: How would you like to be your own boss? Getting rich can be just as easy as ringing a bell, thanks to my company, Heisenberg Meth! After years of working as a Public School Teacher, I decided to switch to a career with less threat of gun violence: Making Meth! And, thanks to our focus on quality, this meth is more delicious then a Pizza thrown on the roof. But I know what your saying: “Yo, Mr. White, how can I get involved?” All you have to do is buy one of my Heisenberg Meth starter kits, complete with meth, underwear, fedora, and sunglasses. Then, all you have to do is give someone a free sample, and BOOM! Instant lifelong customer. Afterwards, convince them to sell to their friends, and next thing you know, you’ll be the biggest drug dealer this side of Albuquerque! “But, Walt, isn’t this technically illegal?” What are you, a DEA Agent? Just kidding! According to my lawyer, this is at least 25% legal. Just make sure to have a fall guy. Join today, and get 50% off your court fees. Heisenberg Meth: Now you’re the one who knocks!

Friday, January 17, 2025

Where all of my money goes to By: Holden Kodish

Where all of my money goes to

60% Rent:

A two-bed one-bath cardboard box under the local bridge doesn’t come cheap, ya know.

3% Food:

A true man eats what he hunts and hunts what he eats. And it turns out, rats taste delicious.

8% Drugs:

Has Zyrtec gone up in price recently, or is my dealer just ripping me off?

15%: The Organ Grinder Downtown

Guiseppe and his Monkey Manuel put on a hell of a show. Not to be confused with the nearby gay bar.

5% Radioactive Barrels:

A nice spot for my daily bath, with a 35% increase in chances for superpowers (and a 100% chance of obtaining cancer)

9%: Plastic Surgery.

Twice a month, I go in. Twice a month, I come out with thick thighs and wobbly knees.


Meth-Level Marketing By: Holden Kodish

"Meth-Level Marketing" By: Holden Kodish Hello. My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane. And today, I co...