TOP 5 NEW MARVEL COMICS YOU SHOULD READ by: Holden Kodish

Hey everyone! Been a while. I missed you. How’s life? Oh, it’s malignant? Stage IV? That sucks. Aaaanyways, I wanted to do at least one serious article this time, and I realized that, for many non-comic readers, they tend to get suggested older stories. And while those stories are good, I believe that there any many more recent runs that deserve some spotlight. So here are the

TOP 5 RECENT MARVEL COMIC STORYLINES YOU SHOULD READ!

Number 5. The Krakoan Era of the X-Men by... Well, a lot of people

Since this year has been very X-Men focused, I think it’s only right that we begin with a pretty recent X-Men run, that being the so-called “Krakoa Era” of the X-Men that only ended about a year ago. Anyone who’s read the X-Men knows that the main issue they face is constant harassment and threats from the people around them, leading to the question “Why don’t they just fucking move?” And that question was answered... in 2001 by Grant Morrison. It did not. end. well (see X-Men ‘97 to understand what happened to Genosha). But, a few years ago, they were given another chance, this time living on the Living Mutant Island Krakoa (Yes, it is as confusing as it sounds, thanks for asking!). In a time where people are asking questions about the concept of an ethno-state, this run dares to ask, “What if Israel had magic powers”.

4. Immortal Hulk by Al Ewing

To be honest, this is one of the two series that made me decide to write this article. For many people, Hulk is that big green guy from the Marvel Movies that was dumb, but now is smart. But he is so, so much more than that. And no series does a better (or gorier) job at showing the history of the Hulk in Marvel Comics than Ewing’s Immortal Hulk. I don’t want to spoil too much, but if you're a big fan of body horror, magic, and/or anti-heroes (because as much as Marvel wants to pretend he’s not, the Hulk is an anti-hero), please read Immortal Hulk. Ewing’s also writing Immortal Thor at the moment, so if you want a more mythologically inspired take on the God of Thunder, give that a read too.

3. Venom by Donny Cates

Speaking of Anti-Heroes, we come to the other series that inspired this article, Donny Cates’ Venom storyline. Donny Cates is a writer I admire immensly for his ability to connect more than 70 years of Marvel history into one well-written story that’s as easy for newcomers as it is enjoyable for veterans. This is the run that inspired the Venom movies (especially the upcoming Venom 3: The Last Dance) by exploring Venom’s history, as well as Eddie Brock, with both characters evolving over the run into true heroes, while never losing what makes the character of Venom such an integral part of the Marvel (And Spider-Man) universe.

2. Ultimate Spider-Man by Jonathan Hickman

Speaking of the Wall-Crawling menace, I should probably put a Spider-Man run on this list, right? And since the main books isn’t the best at the moment (Paul, IYKYK) let’s focus on the other big Spider-Man run instead. While I love the Ultimates series that’s currently going on (Read Ultimates Number 4, now) I believe that the stand out series of this universe is Ultimate Spider-Man. It answers many of the fan desires that many fans didn’t know they had. I’d say it’s like if Peter B. Parker from Spider-Verse got his own run, but also, it’s nothing like that. It’s... hard to explain. But it’s great.

Honorable Mentions: 

Uncanny Spider-Man by Si Spurrier (Nightcrawler as Spider-Man, shout out to the best X-Man), 

Thanos (plus Cosmic Ghost Rider) by Donny Cates (Cosmic Ghost Rider is one of the best new Marvel characters to be created, and I will accept no arguments against this fact), 

Jeb Mackay’s Moon Knight run (Another story that does a great job at bringing back long forgotten Marvel concepts)

AND IN FIRST PLACE

1. Deadpool by Gerry Duggan and Brian Posehn

Oh, wow, what are the odds that my favorite (and first) Marvel series I’ve ever read is in first place? Crazy. But, seriously, this run is one of the best comic runs of all time, in my opinion. This is the run that really defines the character of Deadpool for me as more than just a jokey character. It’s what I really wanted the Ryan Reynolds movies to be like, and while they do sometimes dive into the emotional aspects of Deadpool, this run is so impactful that, in canon, Deadpool hates the writers for all the emotional turmoil this run put him through. I don’t want to spoil too much of this run, but if there was ever a storyline you need to read, it would be Deadpool: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. I cry every time.

So that’s some of the more recent runs of Marvel that I think you should read. But what do you think? Do any of these appeal to you? Did I miss any? Am I weird for putting a Deadpool story at number one? Leave your thoughts in the comments below. I won’t read them though. I’m too busy getting bitches. Bye! 

(PS: The art in all of these books is great, sorry I didn’t include your name, artists!)

TOP 5 JOBS WE NEED TO BRING BACK ASAP - By: Holden Kodish

After years of automation improvements as well as an increased focus on the online market, jobs are getting harder and harder to come across. Plus, with the economy on the decline, the available jobs are being fought over by every Tom, Dick and Holden (please, give me money). So, I’ve done some digging, and have found 5 jobs that don’t exist anymore that I want to talk about.

5. Donkey Puncher

I put this as number 5 because while the name sounds cool, it’s just an engineer for a steam engine. Could you imagine a job where you just punch donkeys all day? Eddie Murphy would need to watch his back.

4. Glimmer Man.
No, this is apparently not a gay slur. It was instead a job in Ireland to monitor the usage of gas
during wartime. The job sounds interesting, but can you imagine the absolute swagger someone
going by “The Glimmer Man” would have. It’s absurd.

3. Hippeis
It may seem like I misspelled Hippies, but you’d be wrong. Mainly because, as any boomer will
tell you, being a Hippy does not make you much money. A Hippeis was the Ancient Greek
equivalent of a knight, an upper-class citizen who was trained to fight on horseback. Either way,
both need to know where a good supply of grass is.

2. Sandal-Bearer or Cup-Bearer
This person's job was to bear the Sandals or Cup or whatever of the nobility. While they weren’t
paid extremely well (like an intern), there was a chance at upward mobility and influence if you
were to impress the person you worked under (like an intern). And for you creeps out there, the
Sandal-Bearer got to wash the pharaoh's feet. Foot Fetishest, think about what you’ve lost!

1. Toad Doctor
This one seems like a scam. Basically, in England, there
would sometimes be a disease called
Scrofula (I highly suggest you don’t look it up). They believed that putting a toad in a bag
and hanging it on the person until they got better and/or died. Probably the second option.
These are just some of the interesting obsolete jobs I found. Would you do any of these jobs?
Are there any cooler jobs I should have included? What do you think happened to D.B. Cooper
after he jumped? I like to think he’s still alive, living in a giant fort made of dollar
bills. Leave your thoughts in the comments below. I won’t read them. I’m too busy judging
people for their sins.