*100% Comedy/Satire
Q: Hi, thanks so much for agreeing to this interview.
A: No problem. It’s part of my community service.
Q: Can you tell us your name?
A: I would, but then I’d have to kill you.
Q: What made you want to assassinate President Trump?
A: Well, I saw an interview saying Jodie Foster hated Gen Z, so I wanted to impress her.
Q: How did you practice for this assassination?
A: I played a mix of Counter-Strike, Call of Duty, and Disney Dreamlight Valley.
Q: What was your reaction when you missed the shot?
A: Disappointed. I was actually aiming for his toupee.
Q: What is your favorite movie?
Q: Home Alone 2: Lost in New York.
I: Many people think you’re an agent for either the Trump or Biden campaign. Is that true?
Q: Nope! I’m actually part of the Robert F. Kennedy campaign. #Brainworms2024
I: Do you have any regrets about your actions?
Q: Yeah, I just wish Biden was there, to get a 2 for 1 combo.
I: What would you change if you could do it again?
Q: I’d probably wait for him to do an attack, and then aim for his weak point.
I: Anything you’d like to say to those who would consider a similar course of action?
Q: Shoot for the stars! Even if you miss, you’ll probably hit a fireman or something.
I: Thank you for your time.
Q: You’re welcome. Now if you excuse me, I have a business to promote.
I: Oh, what business?
Q: Claire’s ear piercings.
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